A Professional Achievement and L’Amour à la Française


I have a tendency to outrageously overthink things. It is for this reason that I’m trying desperately hard to keep my mental pro and con fecking off to France list to a dark and rarely used corner of my mind. I’d like to say very few parts of my mind are rarely used, but that would be hilariously untrue. Common sense is, I would imagine, a substantial bit of brain and that bit’s been sleeping since Day 1.

The top entry on my con list would of course be “because I’m a bad friend to leave The Wife, Columbo, Chunk etc. etc. without the full daily dose of love and hilarity I provide.” Closely followed by “because my folks back in Mordor miss and worry about me enough.” And then the more selfish “because most of my coursemates are going to be gone when I’m back”… Some of these people I’ve already said goodbye to. Maybe for the last time. And that’s heartbreaking and terrifying. People just popping in and out of my life like that? They said I’d meet dozens of people at uni that would change my life. And they have. But after they graduate and leave me behind, what? And at the risk of sounding particularly whiny and needy- will they miss me when I’m gone?! I like to think I’ll leave at least a small gap…

But then there’s the pro list… And it got a new addition just the other day. I’ve never been attracted to men with ponytails, but seeing an older guy speaking French into a mobile phone, with his ponytail rippling in the wind… Well I was interested.

Another pro is that living with 22kg of stuff is gonna be a cinch. To quote The Wife and her astoundingly accurate impression of me: “I have 8 outfits and I like them all.” I’ve been living out of a suitcase for 2 weeks so far and it’s really only been mildly irritating.

And it turns out I’m a keen problem solver. Even under pressure. At work I was faced with the challenge of setting the temperamental dishwasher going on a Friday evening. Oh yes. There’ll be only pristine, squeaky clean mugs in the office come the morning. You’re welcome.

So as you can see, the content of the pro/con list goes from the rational to the really quite barmy. And you got the bitesize version.

And this is the list I’m trying not to think about. I might write one for reals. Just for giggles.

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